tv Late Night With Seth Meyers NBC March 31, 2016 12:37am-1:37am EDT
have a great night. i hope to see you tomorrow. bye-bye! thank you! [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- sally field. from "girls," actress jemima kirke. music from aubrie sellers. featuring the 8g band with stanton moore. [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers! seth: good evening, everybody, i'm seth meyers, this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] that's great to hear. in that case, let's get to the news.
seventh republican presidential forum last night, during which the three remaining gop candidates spoke with him one on one. and if you're wondering what that was like for cooper this is what he looked like before they started. [ laughter ] >> seth: at last night's presidential forum john kasich responded to a female audience member's question about whether he would pick a woman as a running mate by saying, are you available? you look great tonight. [ laughter ] to be fair, that's how john mccain picked his running mate. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: she was and she did. donald trump suggested this morning that his campaign manager cory lewandowski, who has been accused of harshly grabbing a reporter at a rally could have just been keeping her from falling down. sure, and bill cosby was just helping those ladies get a good night's sleep. [ laughter and applause ] cory lewandowski is in the news and we don't know much about him. so now it's time for a segment
cory lewandowski. he's the current campaign manager for donald trump's 2016 presidential bid. he previously served as campaign manager for republican us senator robert c. smith. he's one of only six men over 30 named cory. [ laughter ] he directed and wrote batman v. superman. he's in charge of donald's schedule and chris christie's feedings. [ laughter ] he shortened his last name from [ laughter ] he calls jeans dungarees. [ laughter ] he's constructed from the remains of the previous trump campaign managers. he is a skinny john cena. [ laughter ] he actually only wants to make america good again. his hat size is peyton manning. [ laughter ] and finally cory is short for coriander. this has been getting to know corey lewandowski. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: according to a new poll
in wisconsin by 10 points. mostly because they think he's sculpted out of butter. [ laughter ] an opening speaker at a campaign event for hillary clinton yesterday asked the attendees in the audience to welcome clinton by chanting her campaign slogan with enthusiasm. and the crowd immediately started chanting, "it's my turn, it's my turn!" a group in france called the giant omelet brotherhood this week, made an omelet using 15,000 eggs as part of an easter celebration. oh, "they made it?" said an exhausted chicken. [ laughter ] oh, congratulations on making an omelet. [ laughter ] happy birthday to celine dion, who turns 48 today. she's celebrating like most 48-year-olds, at a celine dion concert. [ laughter ]
police -- police in new york are looking for a man who was seen on the j train this morning blowing kisses at other riders while masturbating. here's an artist's rendering. [ laughter ] i thought -- i thought i was covering my face enough with the kiss blowing. [ laughter ] a balloon released by a girl in texas was found this week over 900 miles away in ohio. or more likely, ohio also has red balloons. [ laughter and applause ] daddy is that -- is that mine? yeah, that's yours. it's a miracle. a veterinarian on the island of st. helena recently gave a 184-year-old tortoise the first bath of its life. said the veterinarian, "yep that's my bad, it was just a rock. [ laughter ] it was just a rock everybody. i thought it was an old tortoise but then i washed it and it's just a rock. so sorry i called all you guys in here for a meeting.
[ laughter ] buddy i tell you, i thought it was an old tortoise so i gave it a wash, it was just a rock. we all make mistakes, none this bad, but still. [ laughter ] you guys want one of those super clean rocks now. wait it moved! no, just a rock. [ laughter ] and finally a new study has found that people often zone out on purpose when the tasks they're doing are not challenging enough. so maybe ben carson was too qualified. [ laughter ] ladies and gentlemen, we have a great show for you tonight. [ cheers and applause ] from the new movie, "hello my name is doris," sally field is here tonight. [ cheers and applause ] the legendary sally field. [ cheers and applause ] also, she's one of the stars of hbo's "girls." jemima kirke is in the house tonight. [ cheers and applause ] and we're going to hear some fantastic music from country artist aubrey sellers. it is a fantastic show. [ cheers and applause ] i mentioned on last night's show, my wife gave birth to our
[ cheers and applause ] thank you. but i don't -- so we can't applaud every time i say it or else it's going to go to that kid's head. i'll tell you that. and last night, it's okay, he was born sunday night. last night was our first terrible night of sleep. [ laughter ] it was just -- just this little -- just this little chirper next to the bed all night. and it's like -- it's like a car starting, except instead of the sound of an engine finally turning over, it's just a wail. [ laughter ] it was a sirens wail, it's just like -- and we just were thinking, oh please don't fully start screaming. [ laughter ] but that was the choice he often made. [ laughter ] but he was -- he was quiet the first couple nights, like i said, loud last night. so i think last night was probably the outlier and we'll go back to quiet tomorrow. [ laughter ] so i'm looking forward to that. just like that's what they say with babies.
everybody figures out, hey -- [ laughter ] cause i even said to him, a few times, this isn't great. and i feel like the -- he -- i got through to him. [ laughter ] anyways, before we get to all our guests lawmakers in georgia, in north carolina have come under fire for passing bills that discriminate against lgbtq people. but the governors in those states, both republican, dealt with those bills in two very different ways. for more on this it's time for a closer look. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: first a quick explanation on how we got here. you may remember last year's supreme court ruling on same sex marriage which found both a constitutional right for gay couples to marry as well a constitutional right for this cop at last years pride parade to bust out some dance moves. [ laughter ] i don't know if he's protecting, but he's definitely serving. [ laughter ] at first opponents at lgbtq, the quality argues that they could just ignore or disobey the
a strategy most famously employed by kentucky's anti-gay rights cathy cartoon kim davis. [ laughter ] she was an ack to this. [ laughter ] so when that didn't work, state lawmakers around the country started proposing laws that would allow people to discriminate against lgbtq people on so called religious grounds. in the end it attempted that last year, sparking a national backlash in criticisms for politicians in both parties, but apparently lawmakers in the state of georgia saw the backlash and said, "yeah, we should get in on that." >> in georgia, the controversial bill passed by the state house and senate is called the free exercise protection act. one of the several religious liberty bills that have surfaced across the country. >> well i just think they would pass the so called religious liberty bill that is so broad that according to flate it would allow faith based organizations, a category defined broadly enough to potentially include chick-fil-a and hobby lobby to deny services and hire and fire employees based on sexual orientation. >> seth: that's right, the bill would of qualified chick-fil-a as faith based. although to be fair, anywhere
dinner you're operating on faith. [ laughter ] so chick-fil-a is doing god's work, where as chipotle practices the dark arts. [ laughter ] but this actually underscores one of the biggest problems of the law, how broadly it defined the term faith based organizations. in fact one state senator in georgia, emanuel jones confronted the law's sponsor, state senator greg kirk, about whether the law was so broad it could even be used to protect the kkk. and kirk doesn't exactly offer the most reassuring answer. >> we're all familiar with the terms kkk, is that not correct? meaning the hate organization klu klux klan? >> i've read about them, yes. >> my concern is, couldn't that organization, if it chose to do so, identify itself as faith based? >> and again, i'm not an attorney, i don't know. i guess they could, senator. i'm not sure. >> senator -- >> i don't know what would stop them. >> does that present a problem
[ laughter ] >> does it present a problem for me? no. >> seth: first of all, any time you take that long of a pause to answer a question you're already in trouble. who is the karen i've been texting with? she is a -- [ laughter ] work friend. [ laughter ] second of all -- [ applause ] second of all, what's with republicans suddenly getting stumped by questions about the kkk? it's like getting the round one question wrong on who wants to be a millionaire. [ laughter ] a poodle is a type of what? oh, i know it's dog, but i want to say tree. am i over thinking this? [ laughter ] now thankfully, georgia's republican governor nathan deal announced on monday that he would not sign this bill into law. a victory for gay rights advocates. and to deal's credit he had already expressed some pretty strong objections to the bill before it even passed, urging
use religion to discriminate against others. >> i'm a baptist and i'm going to get into a little bit of biblical philosophy on my part right now. i think what the new testament teaches us is, that jesus reached out to those who were considered the outcast. >> seth: yeah, that's the new testament. you need to read the new new testament, where jesus is opposed to same sex marriages, teachers unions, financial reform, and obama care. [ laughter ] so deal deserves credit for vetoing the bill but he also has some self interested reasons for doing so given how many major national companies have threatened to stop business in georgia if the bill had become law. >> disney and marvel studios have threatened to abandon production in georgia if the governor signs the bill into law. >> similar settlements have been voiced by amc networks, which films "the walking dead" in georgia. >> seth: that's right, if this bill had become law, "the walking dead" would have stopped filming in georgia, which would have been terrible since "the walking dead" employees thousands of georgians every week. [ laughter ] so that's georgia, then there's north carolina where republican
he signed a law passed by republicans in that state that not only allows discrimination against lgbtq people, it actually overturns a nondiscrimination ordinance passed last month by the city of charlotte. >> north carolina made headlines this week for enacting one of the country's most draconian anti-lgbt laws. >> the law strikes down a recently passed ordinance in charlotte. it would have protected trans people and allowed them to select the restroom of their choice based on how they identify. >> the law is so severe that it states, that -- that the states most prominent newspaper, the charlotte observer, has compared governor pat mccrory to the likes of george wallace, orval faubis, and ross barnett. all southern governors known for their support for segregation. >> seth: that's how bad this law is. north carolina's newspapers have to reach for deep cut segregationists like ross barnett and orval faubis. even if you don't know who orval faubis is, you can just tell from his name he was a hardcore racist. [ laughter ]
someone who at one point definitely said, well, well, well. [ laughter ] what do we have here. [ laughter ] so the north carolina bill -- [ applause ] not only reverses charlotte's nondiscrimination ordinances, it bans all north carolina municipalities from passing their own nondiscrimination ordinances. it also requires trans individuals to use bathrooms that correspond with the gender on their birth certificate. not the gender they identify with. this law is similar to other so called bathroom bills that have been proposed by republicans across the country, most severely in florida. >> a bill just clearing a new hurdle in tallahassee that would give businesses the power to check your i.d. before you're allowed to use the restroom. >> your next trip to the restroom, someone could stop you and ask to show some i.d. >> seth: now let's all just spare a thought for the poor soul at the tallahassee applebee's who has to card people on the way to the bathroom. [ laughter ] what do you do for a living?
[ laughter ] so one day i'm gonna move to georgia and be a zombie. [ laughter ] well if these so-called bathroom bills are ridiculous, for one thing there's no evidence of sexual predators that have ever exploited equal rights laws to make crimes in bathrooms. most importantly, laws like these legalize discrimination, and not only that, they could also make police officers a lot less fun. this has been "a closer look." [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: we'll be right back
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[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back, everybody. please say hello to the 8g band over there, they're here every night. also, back tonight, sitting in with the 8g band, he's one of the most versatile and respected drummers out there, stanton moore is with us. [ cheers and applause ] and please, be sure to check out stanton's most recent solo record, "conversations" and head over to statenmoore.com for more info and tour dates, including his multiple appearances at this year's new orleans jazz fest. thank you so much for being here, stanton. really appreciate it. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: our first guest tonight is a two time academy award winning actress. whose career has included such films as "norma rae," "steel magnolias," and "mrs. doubtfire," "forrest gump" and "lincoln." her latest project "hello, my name is doris" is in theaters
>> let me just get out of your way. ow! okay. >> ooh, ooh. oh. >> okay, all right. >> oh, no. oh, no, i'm so sorry. i'm sorry. >> it's okay. >> let me help. i'm so sorry. oh, god. >> stop it. stop. you did that on purpose, didn't you? >> no. no, no, i didn't. >> you're a liar. >> i'm not. >> it's okay. >> are you -- >> seth: please welcome to the show, sally field. [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: how are you?
>> seth: yeah, i know. >> whoo! yeah. >> seth: you've been through it? >> oh yeah. yeah, i have three sons and five grandchildren. >> seth: oh my goodness, so yes. and it's great, right? you get through it? >> it's life. >> seth: okay. [ light laughter ] >> you know what i mean? >> seth: that was a little less than enthusiastic than i was hoping for. it's life, it is truly life. >> you know, in reality, life meaning, it's everything. >> seth: it is. >> what else is there? it's life. what are you looking for except life. >> seth: it does make everything else seem fairly insignificant. yeah. >> it's yeah. i'll say it, and sleep -- >> seth: yeah, just goodbye to that. huh? >> you know, the first two days of a baby's, three days of a baby's life, they sleep the whole the time. >> seth: oh, so this is the good time? >> no, he's just waking up. >> seth: oh no. [ light laughter ] >> you don't even know. yeah, yeah, yeah. this is just the beginning of waking up. >> seth: and it's normal, he doesn't know any words yet, that's normal? [ light laughter ] like we have had, it's been like four days, we've not had a single conversation. [ light laughter ] >> not one? >> seth: not one.
name. >> oh, he's holding back. >> seth: okay, got you. [ light laughter ] that's what i got. congrats on the movie, this is a fun film. >> thank you. >> seth: you've described it as a coming of age film about a woman of age. >> yes it is, it's something like that. >> seth: you maybe have some personality issues? >> i have some mental health issues. borderline, kind of, living in a very much a fantasy. and kind of borderline hoarder. >> seth: okay. >> and very much a hermit. and really having an adolescence in your very, very late 60s. >> seth: and this hoarder quality. is that something you connect with at all, is that, in your life? it. [ light laughter ] >> it's not something you see on television. it's not that kind of thing. >> seth: you don't need like a paddle to get through your kitchen? >> no, but i do have my buckets and buckets and bins and boxes of things that i can't ever get rid of. mostly it has to do with, you better get your boxes ready. >> seth: okay that makes sense.
children. every time there was any note, even if it was the most unsentimental piece of poop that ever was. >> seth: yeah. [ light laughter ] >> it just says, "happy birthday, eli." oh, look what he -- [ light laughter ] oh, keep that forever and ever. >> seth: there you go. this is -- you sort of have teenaged fantasies in the film with a younger co-worker. >> yes i do. >> seth: max greenfield who's fantastic. >> he is wonderful, max, oh my god. >> seth: michael showalter who is a fantastic director. and a very funny person. he's described this movie as sort of a screw ball comedy meets greek tragedy. and because it's very funny, but there's some real sadness to it. >> yeah. >> seth: this is a very real character you play. >> you know, it's high comedy, but it's a very real person, a very real character, that you slowly start to see the levels of sadness that she's got inside, that she's hidden from everyone, including herself. but it's also really funny.
but it seems kind of like working, what a surprise. >> seth: and you, again, like, your character sort of did not have this adolescence. so we get to see you have it. >> right. >> seth: and the film, and sort of, max's character pays attention to you. and you get to dance in your room. you sign up for facebook. have you -- do you have a facebook account in your life here? >> well, you know, i'm so bad at this. but i do, i do. one of my sons set it up. but it's a false name. >> seth: okay. >> it's a little like doris, actually. >> seth: okay. >> but it's not so that i can contact peoplehrbut it might be a good idea, actually. >> seth: yeah. >> i could contact, you know, people, and men of various ages that i might just want to like have some sort of fantasy thing with. >> seth: yes. >> but never really. who knows, i would never really have to -- but then i could have. may be that would -- >> seth: and then i you get to that point, then you jump on tinder and i'll help you with that. [ laughter ] also this is such a great look that your character has, that doris has in the film. and did you help sort of, cultivate this. i don't even know how to -- >> yes, i did. i took that right out of my closet. >> seth: yeah.
eccentric. and she's a hoarder, so she finds all those clothes on the street or in the thrift shops. and it's very difficult to put those outfits together. they were all vintage, revolting clothes. actually they were old and disgusting. many times i couldn't put my arms down because they were so crusty underneath. >> seth: really? >> i don't know, i smelled like an old dead sheep. >> seth: now, that's news to me because i feel there's a real chic-ness to vintage and people oh, think vintage is cool. but you're sort or, showing us the underbelly of vintage. >> yeah, the underbelly. there's vintage, and then there's this. >> seth: yeah. should be garbage. yeah. >> it came from the old wardrobe houses that are almost extinct. and literally are extinct. and people hadn't taken these clothes out of their closet. i mean, back, back, back vault. vaults of clothes. it's like, eww, eww, eww. and we forgot we had this. here give this to her. she'll wear that. >> seth: oh no. that does not, this is not the sort of hollywood idea you get
>> no, no, no. it was, that part of it was really kind of nasty. >> seth: well, it's a fantastic film. and a fantastic part. you've had so many fantastic parts over the years. you were nominated for an oscar for playing mary todd lincoln. >> yes i was. >> seth: a fantastic film that was. >> thank you. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: and, i have to ask about this. i know -- because you always read about how daniel day-lewis stays in character. >> yes. >> seth: and so he stayed in the character of abraham lincoln, and is it true he would send you text messages as abraham lincoln? >> yes. >> seth: wow. [ light laughter ] >> yes but, i would have done that. i, too, did that. i found that not odd in the slightest bit. >> seth: so, have you done that before? for films? >> i've -- he comes from a different school of acting, but mine is, i come from the actors studio. i trained with lee strasberg, so. i, being female though, and growing up in the era that i did, i always tried to hide the fact that i stayed in character completely and utterly, i talked the same dialect. i lived the same life.
but i would hide it, because they would go, "boy, is she weird, let's not hire her again." you know. >> seth: mm-hmm. >> but, you know, i think daniel, bless his heart, he lets it be known and people, you know, have to deal with the way actors really work. and so, i loved it. >> seth: that must be nice. it must create around environment where as an actor you can create whatever choice you want. >> you live in the world, you live in the era, you don't have to keep coming in and out, and in and out, and deal with you know, talk to your kids on the phone. and say, "look, go to school, i don't care how sick you are, just go to school." okay, now i'm in character. okay, and then you come in -- it's way too hard to do that. >> seth: why do your kids not want to go to school. why did that -- [ light laughter ] that seems to be -- >> just you wait, henry higgins. just you wait. >> seth: what sort of things would abraham lincoln text you? [ light laughter ] >> oh, gosh. well, i can't say that. [ laughter ] >> seth: you can't? oh, my goodness. i guess what you're basically saying. >> we were married people.
so but if, if you're basical saying if abraham, if there were text messaging in the days of abraham lincoln, there would have been a sex scandal? [ light laughter ] >> yeah, they're basically sexts. and, having read their letters, oh yeah, you betcha. >> seth: really? >> actually, yeah. he used to, yeah. she used to threaten that she was going to go off with somebody else and he would say, "look at the scale mary. have you looked at your weight lately?" >> seth: oh wow! [ audience ohs ] he was the president of snap. >> but, yeah. and he was right though, she you know, she put on some heft there. >> seth: well he was honest abe. he didn't say things unless they were true. [ light laughter ] >> absolutely. >> seth: that's the problem when you marry a guy named honest abe and he says you are putting on the pounds. >> and you know what, you have to deal with it. >> seth: you gotta deal with it. >> you have to take that as a good thing and say, "okay, it's time to cut back on the chocolates." >> seth: you -- one of my favorite things in vanity fair is the proof questionnaire. and you recently did it. and one of the questions is, words you overuse. and you had some great words. >> yeah. >> seth: do you remember? what are some of the words you overuse? >> we can't say some of them.
>> of them was, thingamabob. >> seth: thingamabob, that is, that's a sally field go to? >> yeah. diddlywad. >> seth: diddlywad. you can say the one -- >> ishmagiggle. >> seth: ishmagiggle. >> and [ bleep ]. >> seth: there you go. [ laughter and applause ] that doesn't fit in with the other ones. thank you so much for being here. congrats on the film. >> thank you. >> seth: sally field everybody! [ cheers and applause ] "hello my name is doris" is in theaters now. we'll be right back with jemima kirke. [ cheers and applause ] getting unlimited data for your family is a struggle. other carriers either don't offer it, or it's too expensive! not t-mobile! introducing the best data plan ever! get three lines of unlimited 4g lte data for just fifty bucks each, and get a fourth line, free! yup!- we'll give you a fourth line at no extra cost. so tell those other guys you're
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[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: our next guest who stars as jessa on the hit show "girls" for the past five seasons. new episodes air sunday nights on hbo. let's take a look. >> are you ready for everything? >> no. >> what do you mean? >> like hannah and everybody. isn't everybody coming tonight? you and me in front of them, and in front of hannah --
thought about it. i'm just gonna be acting most of the time. >> good for you. >> i guess it doesn't matter. i'm not even talking to her anyway. we had a massive ralph. >> what are we talking about it now? okay. >> seth: please welcome to the show, jemima kirke. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: you look beautiful. >> did you tell them to do that? >> seth: i did. i told them -- no. i didn't even have to. >> i'm shocked that they know who i am. >> seth: oh they're so happy to see you. [ cheers and applause ] you've been on the show for five years. this is the first time you've done a talk show. surely you've been asked to do a talk show. >> i know, it's so nerve-racking.
>> yeah. >> seth: it doesn't have to be. >> i mean, to be fair, i mean it was, but i was nervous, but also that i just sort of wanted to keep the celebrity thing at bay, a little small. so only did certain things, because i didn't really want to be on the show. like on a tv show. >> seth: you didn't wanna be on a tv show? [ light laughter ] >> no. >> seth: you had done "tiny furniture" with lena. >> yes. >> seth: which was a film and you were fantastic in it. but i heard it took some convincing to get you to sign onto the idea of being on a television show? i was really pregnant at the time when lena asked me. and i was in a hotel because i was moving out of my house or something and i just wanted to be comfortable. lena came over to supposedly we're laying on the bed she's like stroking my leg because lena's very touchy. [ laughter ] she's like, "are you sure you don't want to be on the show, on the pilot?"
first of all. and second of all, i don't like, it seems like a lot of work." she's like, "no, no, no. it will just be the pilot. the pilot probably won't get picked up." and then even if it does get picked up, we'll just have you come on every now and again. i was like, "fine, fine. gimme it, it's fine." >> seth: and then you did it and then that did get picked up and you're on it all the time. >> yeah. yeah. [ laughter ] >> seth: you fully got hustled? >> yeah. >> seth: now, this year has been fantastic. it feels like your character is growing in a direction that you have more to do. you have different things to do than you had in previous years. is that something you were excited about? is that something you requested? >> no, i think what happened is that lena saw that i was more committed this season. and so she gave me real stuff to do, inside from this sort of caricature like one liners, which i love doing and which is what i do and i love doing it. but she gave me real stuff.
clip with you and adam driver. and mostly i want -- i watch the show with my wife and it's that idea of someone falling in love with the ex of a friend, which is really intense to watch. it was funny the other day, i was -- as you guys were getting closer, i was recoiling, and like, "oh, you can't do that." and my wife said, "no, you can." she said that -- it makes sense relationships would starr that way because it's someone you know and you're close to. where do you stand on it, on the outside looking, do you feel like your character is crossing lines? is jessa crossing lines? >> she is, she definitely is. that's rule number one. you don't date your friend's ex. pretty much don't even be friends with them. especially if it's been a rough road or a rough falling out. rough break-up. don't be friends with them. so, yeah, when they told me that, i was like -- "[bleep] how am i going to do this? how am i going to do this and still have people like my character." i was like, "they don't need to like my character." [ light laughter ]
they did more writing and i felt more into the story of it, i realized that, you know, sometimes you just have to choose. and is it more important that she maintains a relationship with -- i was gonna say with lena. is it more important that jemima and lena stay friends? or is it more important that she finds a real love affair. >> seth: well that -- what makes it really nice, is you believe the two of you are falling in love, and that's the choice. >> and what do you do? one of the things i love about "girls," is that even though it's about female friendships, one thing that it points out is that sometimes they don't last, and sometimes they're not meant to. they just don't -- it doesn't last and that's okay. there was a time and a place where it was meant to be, and it served its purpose and now you moved on and you go out with their boyfriend. [ laughter ] >> seth: that's the perfect punctuation to let everyone know, "hey, our friendship has come to a close."
level be higher this year. is it true that you sort of have been sort of a reverse diva? >> that was my expression, yes. >> seth: but you sort of stole -- >> didn't want him to take -- after that one. >> seth: yeah i stole reverse diva from you. i've heard you say reverse diva. but explain reverse diva because i think ultimately on a lot of shows, peoples' commitments wane over the course of time. >> well because i wasn't really sure i wanted to be on the show, even though i signed a full contract. >> seth: you were pregnant in a hotel, somebody was stroking your leg. >> yes, it was very seductive. [ laughter ] and also i had a career already. and so i was like, "i can't just, you can't just ask me to choose another career." >> seth: you were a plumber, right? >> i was. [ laughter ] i was. so -- what was the question? oh, yes. because i didn't really want to be there, and i was sort of
to it, and then i was just sort of like, in my room and then you find someone would come in and be like, "all right, jemima we're ready for you." i'd be like, "well, i'm not ready for you." [ laughter ] you know, i've never acted before, i've never been in showbiz at all, and i'm telling you to wait because i don't need to be here. >> seth: that must be strange for them to go back to set and say, "hey, one of our actresses claims she's not an actress." [ laughter ] >> actually, there was a real moment one day when i said, no, to the pa, i said i'm not coming. i'm not ready. you realize how absurd that is, that i'm like never done anything and i'm telling them i'm not ready. i'm not like rihanna. [ laughter ] >> seth: rihanna is forever allowed to not be ready. >> she doesn't even have to show up. yeah. and they were like, "jemima's not coming. so could you help?" they sent lena in. lena came back and she's like, "hey, baby." and she like knocked on the door and i'm like, "if you come in here i'll hit you."
[ whispering ] but since then, since i've decided that -- or i've realized that i actually love what i do, and i not only love being on "girls" but i actually love acting, i'm an amazing person to work with. >> seth: oh, that's great. [ laughter ] this was a growth. >> when people meet me, they're just like, "she's so nice. she's so easy to work with. she knows her lines. she's always on time." breath of fresh air, they say. >> seth: you're also a mother of two. >> yeah. >> seth: you had to think about it? >> i had to think about it. you know what's really funny, is my friend who came with me, my entourage, of one, is backstage. he reminded me of an interview i did after i had my first kid where i said -- they asked me, "so you just had a baby," and i was like, "no. i mean, yeah." [ laughter ] i don't know, out of site, out
[ laughter ] >> seth: that's the way i think. that's the best parenting advice you could give me. i was going to ask you for advice, but i'm going to go with that. [ laughter ] >> when you're not with them, pretend you don't have them. never think about them. >> seth: that is fantastic. i can't wait to pass that on to my wife. thank you so much for being here. give it up for jemima kirke, everybody. new episodes of "girls" airs sunday nights on hbo. we'll be right back with more "late night." [ cheers and applause ] all the best stuff happens in the dark. there's dancing and music in the dark. people are younger and better looking in the dark. see? people wear their most stylish and glamorous clothes in the dark. people gain an irrational sense of invincibility in the dark. in the dark, bowling is less sad, food is more expensive, and making out is much more likely. so if all this good stuff happens in the dark, wouldn't you want a camera that can capture things... ...in the dark? the new galaxy s7 edge
i think the first step in being able to create a helpful solution is just to be able to recognize problems in the world around you. don't you dare change the rules. don't you dare play with your food. don't you dare get any big ideas. ignore what people say you can't do. don't you dare take that apart. don't you dare stay up all night on the computer. don't you dare
slogans are so much fun. sl chogans we love. alka seltzer, plop, plop, fizz, fizz. what a relief it is. fantastic. [ light laughter ] campbell's soup slogan, mm mm good. that is a mm mm good slogan. so we thought why should only products have slogans, everything can benefit from one. so we came up with some for you in a segment we call "new slogans." [ cheers and applause ] let's get things started for a slogan for software updates. software updates, we made it wrong the first time. [ laughter and applause ] very helpful to admit your mistakes. next, we have crudites. let's see the slogan. crudites, this will still be here at the end of the party. [ laughter and applause ] oh, crudites, oh, pigs in a blanket. [ light laughter ] next we have a slogan for furnished apartments. apartments you rent that are already furnished. let's see the slogan. furnished apartments, it's just
[ laughter and applause ] next -- that one was tough for the one guy in the audience who's currently living in a furnished apartment. [ laughter ] solitary tear. next we have a slogan for self check out. let's see the slogan. self check out, the future is here, and it's actually slower. [ laughter and applause ] next, this is the one you will use in your every day life. the slogan we're about to give you now because it's a thing that's never had a slogan. it would be very helpful. we have a slogan for sheep that need a haircut. this is that situation you're often in, when a sheep's hair gets so long that the sheep needs a haircut. let's see the slogan for sheep that need a haircut. sheep that need a haircut, can you shear me now? [ laughter and applause ] next we have a slogan for the witness protection program. let's see the slogan. witness protection program,
[ laughter and applause ] moving on, very good slogan for adult braces. adult braces, let everyone know your parents didn't take you to a dentist when you were a kid. [ laughter and applause ] this next one -- slogan for hot dogs. let's take a look. hot dogs, dad's cooking dinner. [ laughter and applause ] and finally, we have a slogan for elliptical machines. elliptical machines, helping men try to get in shape ever since karen left. because maybe if she sees that you started to take care of yourself, she wouldn't need space to figure things out. and you know that a lot of it is your fault. that if you stop putting in effort, that you stop making her feel beautiful and special. and now all you have left is a scarf that smells like her and a lamp she threw at you before she kicked you out that you can't bring yourself to throw away. because if you do, it's like you threw away karen, which is what you did, if you're being honest with yourself. and maybe if you pedal hard enough on this weird exercise machine, you'll lose some weight, win back karen and get furnished apartment.
and then add on from there. the original triscuit. it starts simply with three ingredients. it's just a great little platform. there's endless combinations you can make. ricotta, drizzle a little on top of that. put a little dollop of honeycomb. a sourwood honey, probably is the best honey in the world. you're only limited by your imagination, and i love that. it's super simple. why am i a fan of applebee's fan favorites quesadilla burger? it's a burger... inside a quesadilla. genius. hot... melty... fresh... pico de gallo. woah. mind blown. everyone's a fan with applebee's
r is that ice cream? t no, it's, uh, breyers gelato indulgences. p you really wouldn't like it. it's got caramel and crunchy stuff. i like caramel and crunchy stuff. breyers gelato indulgences... p it's way beyond ice cream. proud of you, son. ge! a manufacturer. well that's why i dug this out for you. it's your grandpappy's hammer and he would have wanted you to have it. it meant a lot to him... yes, ge makes powerful machines. but i'll be writing the code that will allow those machines to share information with each other. i'll be changing the way the world works. (interrupting) you can't pick it up, can you? go ahead. he can't lift the hammer. it's okay though! you're going to change
i was standing in the yard watching you go you've only been gone bout an hour or so i'm already wondering what i'll do all by myself without you then it hit me like a lightning crack i'm gonna sit here and cry til you come back better tell the boss i can't come in least not until you love me again money's gonna get a little bit tight but it's ok, it's alright it don't take a whole lot of cash to sit here and cry til you come back sit here alone wondering why countin every tear that i can cry
a one way track i'm gonna sit here and cry til you come back well i guess i didn't really think this through but i lose my mind when it comes to you been out here every night and day waiting on the blues to go away but i just think they're turning black cry til you come back sit here alone wondering why that i can cry broke down train on a one way track